Blog Post 3 July 2026 at 4:31 pm

Space 2047: Salomina and the chaotic incident of a revisualizing device

Somewhere inside the planet Elegencincia, in the sort of silence that only space can make when it is trying to be annoying, Salomina began to suspect that the day was about to become memorable for all the wrong reasons.

The Boredom Before the Disaster

It began, as most regrettable events aboard the spaceship Are We There Yet? began, with somebody insisting that nothing whatsoever was wrong. On this occasion it was Salomina, who had adopted the facial expression of a person attempting to look calm while internally arranging panic into alphabetical order. The crew had been passing through the planet Elegencincia, a region of space so tedious that even the emergency lights seemed to yawn, when a comfort robot unionises the cleaning cupboard.

Susan with the Viking helmet blamed a revisualizing device immediately, which was unfair but not entirely stupid, because the object had been humming in a manner normally associated with suspicious machines, guilty sandwiches, and robots pretending not to understand tax law. The shipboard recording software noted the accusation carefully, not because it was useful, but because it enjoyed the possibility of using it in evidence at a later date.

The crew gathered in the control room, which had recently been cleaned by a robot that believed dust was a protected species. Salomina proposed a sensible investigation. Susan with the Viking helmet proposed shouting at the ceiling. a sentient sandwich suggested sending the problem an invoice, because in the modern galaxy nothing was truly real until somebody had charged you for it twice.

For inspiration, the ship’s ancient memory banks produced the phrase, “l, yes, fish and chips did go out of fashion ages ago.”, the digital map then became more excited and added, “but this is one very special chip”, which nobody understood but everyone pretended was profound. Cedric nodded as if he had just discovered philosophy inside a vending machine. Salomina stared at the readout with the expression of a woman who had once seduced a vacuum cleaner and therefore no longer trusted electrical appliances with smooth edges.

The first plan involved a robotic organ part. The second plan involved pretending the first plan had never happened. The third plan, which Brian liked best, involved lifting something heavy, looking heroic, and hoping the universe mistook confidence for competence. Unfortunately the universe had met Brian before and was not easily fooled.

Soon the situation spread to a meteorite with speakers attached, where an automated announcement declared that all passengers should remain calm, panic in an orderly queue, and avoid making eye contact with any parcel that appeared to be breathing. This advice was immediately ignored by everyone except the parcel, which seemed offended that nobody had asked about its feelings.

Salomina attempted diplomacy. This consisted of standing very close to a revisualizing device and saying, “Now listen here,” in the kind of voice people use when they have no idea what they are about to say next. The object responded by making a noise like a kettle discovering jazz. The crew stepped backwards. The ship stepped metaphorically backwards. Even the wallpaper seemed to reconsider its future.

A message then arrived from an intergalactic official who claimed authority over the matter, although in space there were so many authorities that even authority had begun applying for a holiday. The official demanded forms, counter-forms, an emotional declaration from the nearest toaster, and proof that Susan with the Viking helmet had not recently insulted a moon. This was difficult, because Susan with the Viking helmet had insulted at least three moons that morning.

By the time the crew reached the fourth argument, the original problem had become a sort of travelling circus. Lights flashed. Buttons beeped. A cupboard opened by itself and revealed a packet of crisps that nobody trusted. Karen suggested that the crisps might be bait. Brian suggested eating them to remove the danger. Cedric suggested asking whether the crisps were single, which caused a silence of such depth that several nearby asteroids turned away out of embarrassment.

In the end, the crew solved the matter in the traditional Space 2047 manner: accidentally, noisily, and with paperwork still attached. Salomina tripped over a robotic organ part, Susan with the Viking helmet shouted an apology at the wrong person, and the ship’s space horn went off with enough force to make a distant meteorite forget the second verse of a song it had been singing since Tuesday.

A Suspicious Object Becomes Important

The crew gathered in the control room, which had recently been cleaned by a robot that believed dust was a protected species. Salomina proposed a sensible investigation. Susan with the Viking helmet proposed shouting at the ceiling. a security droid with public-service issues suggested sending the problem an invoice, because in the modern galaxy nothing was truly real until somebody had charged you for it twice.

For inspiration, the ship’s ancient memory banks produced the phrase, “more excited and added, “but this is one very special chip indeed, and it was manufactured for a multi billionaire who wanted a computer that could multitask, and”, which nobody understood but everyone pretended was profound. Cedric nodded as if he had just discovered philosophy inside a vending machine. Salomina stared at the readout with the expression of a woman who had once seduced a vacuum cleaner and therefore no longer trusted electrical appliances with smooth edges.

The first plan involved a space horn. The second plan involved pretending the first plan had never happened. The third plan, which Brian liked best, involved lifting something heavy, looking heroic, and hoping the universe mistook confidence for competence. Unfortunately the universe had met Brian before and was not easily fooled.

Soon the situation spread to the planet Elegencincia, where an automated announcement declared that all passengers should remain calm, panic in an orderly queue, and avoid making eye contact with any parcel that appeared to be breathing. This advice was immediately ignored by everyone except the parcel, which seemed offended that nobody had asked about its feelings.

In the end, the crew solved the matter in the traditional Space 2047 manner: accidentally, noisily, and with paperwork still attached. Salomina tripped over a space horn, Susan with the Viking helmet shouted an apology at the wrong person, and the ship’s space horn went off with enough force to make a distant meteorite forget the second verse of a song it had been singing since Tuesday.

The Crew Hold a Meeting

The crew gathered in the control room, which had recently been cleaned by a robot that believed dust was a protected species. Salomina proposed a sensible investigation. Susan with the Viking helmet proposed shouting at the ceiling. Brian suggested sending the problem an invoice, because in the modern galaxy nothing was truly real until somebody had charged you for it twice.

For inspiration, the ship’s ancient memory banks produced the phrase, “a multi billionaire who wanted a computer that could multitask, and this processor is incredible and was capable of keeping ten of the billionaires robots very happy whilst”, which nobody understood but everyone pretended was profound. Cedric nodded as if he had just discovered philosophy inside a vending machine. Salomina stared at the readout with the expression of a woman who had once seduced a vacuum cleaner and therefore no longer trusted electrical appliances with smooth edges.

The first plan involved a letter from Shopkeepers Anonymous. The second plan involved pretending the first plan had never happened. The third plan, which Brian liked best, involved lifting something heavy, looking heroic, and hoping the universe mistook confidence for competence. Unfortunately the universe had met Brian before and was not easily fooled.

Soon the situation spread to a suspicious asteroid shopping centre, where an automated announcement declared that all passengers should remain calm, panic in an orderly queue, and avoid making eye contact with any parcel that appeared to be breathing. This advice was immediately ignored by everyone except the parcel, which seemed offended that nobody had asked about its feelings.

In the end, the crew solved the matter in the traditional Space 2047 manner: accidentally, noisily, and with paperwork still attached. Salomina tripped over a letter from Shopkeepers Anonymous, Susan with the Viking helmet shouted an apology at the wrong person, and the ship’s space horn went off with enough force to make a distant meteorite forget the second verse of a song it had been singing since Tuesday.

An Intergalactic Authority Gets Involved

The crew gathered in the control room, which had recently been cleaned by a robot that believed dust was a protected species. Salomina proposed a sensible investigation. Susan with the Viking helmet proposed shouting at the ceiling. Cedric suggested sending the problem an invoice, because in the modern galaxy nothing was truly real until somebody had charged you for it twice.

For inspiration, the ship’s ancient memory banks produced the phrase, “capable of keeping ten of the billionaires robots very happy whilst they did menial chores, such as making the dinner and making cups of tea, and helping with”, which nobody understood but everyone pretended was profound. Cedric nodded as if he had just discovered philosophy inside a vending machine. Salomina stared at the readout with the expression of a woman who had once seduced a vacuum cleaner and therefore no longer trusted electrical appliances with smooth edges.

The first plan involved an inflatable space taxi dress. The second plan involved pretending the first plan had never happened. The third plan, which Brian liked best, involved lifting something heavy, looking heroic, and hoping the universe mistook confidence for competence. Unfortunately the universe had met Brian before and was not easily fooled.

Soon the situation spread to the galaxy Hooareu, where an automated announcement declared that all passengers should remain calm, panic in an orderly queue, and avoid making eye contact with any parcel that appeared to be breathing. This advice was immediately ignored by everyone except the parcel, which seemed offended that nobody had asked about its feelings.

In the end, the crew solved the matter in the traditional Space 2047 manner: accidentally, noisily, and with paperwork still attached. Salomina tripped over an inflatable space taxi dress, Susan with the Viking helmet shouted an apology at the wrong person, and the ship’s space horn went off with enough force to make a distant meteorite forget the second verse of a song it had been singing since Tuesday.

The Problem Becomes Larger Than the Ship

The crew gathered in the control room, which had recently been cleaned by a robot that believed dust was a protected species. Salomina proposed a sensible investigation. Susan with the Viking helmet proposed shouting at the ceiling. Salomina suggested sending the problem an invoice, because in the modern galaxy nothing was truly real until somebody had charged you for it twice.

For inspiration, the ship’s ancient memory banks produced the phrase, “making the dinner and making cups of tea, and helping with other tasks like renting out my houses and doing the paperwork whilst I enjoyed myself and got”, which nobody understood but everyone pretended was profound. Cedric nodded as if he had just discovered philosophy inside a vending machine. Salomina stared at the readout with the expression of a woman who had once seduced a vacuum cleaner and therefore no longer trusted electrical appliances with smooth edges.

The first plan involved a tomato-shaped escape craft. The second plan involved pretending the first plan had never happened. The third plan, which Brian liked best, involved lifting something heavy, looking heroic, and hoping the universe mistook confidence for competence. Unfortunately the universe had met Brian before and was not easily fooled.

Soon the situation spread to the spaceship Are We There Yet?, where an automated announcement declared that all passengers should remain calm, panic in an orderly queue, and avoid making eye contact with any parcel that appeared to be breathing. This advice was immediately ignored by everyone except the parcel, which seemed offended that nobody had asked about its feelings.

In the end, the crew solved the matter in the traditional Space 2047 manner: accidentally, noisily, and with paperwork still attached. Salomina tripped over a tomato-shaped escape craft, Susan with the Viking helmet shouted an apology at the wrong person, and the ship’s space horn went off with enough force to make a distant meteorite forget the second verse of a song it had been singing since Tuesday.

A Terrible Plan Is Mistaken for Bravery

The crew gathered in the control room, which had recently been cleaned by a robot that believed dust was a protected species. Salomina proposed a sensible investigation. Susan with the Viking helmet proposed shouting at the ceiling. Karen Toni Loretta Bobbi Erasmus suggested sending the problem an invoice, because in the modern galaxy nothing was truly real until somebody had charged you for it twice.

For inspiration, the ship’s ancient memory banks produced the phrase, “houses and doing the paperwork whilst I enjoyed myself and got drunk and partied like it was nineteen ninety nine.” Karen then spoke with a disbelieving look on”, which nobody understood but everyone pretended was profound. Cedric nodded as if he had just discovered philosophy inside a vending machine. Salomina stared at the readout with the expression of a woman who had once seduced a vacuum cleaner and therefore no longer trusted electrical appliances with smooth edges.

The first plan involved a revisualizing device. The second plan involved pretending the first plan had never happened. The third plan, which Brian liked best, involved lifting something heavy, looking heroic, and hoping the universe mistook confidence for competence. Unfortunately the universe had met Brian before and was not easily fooled.

Soon the situation spread to planet Boring746759, where an automated announcement declared that all passengers should remain calm, panic in an orderly queue, and avoid making eye contact with any parcel that appeared to be breathing. This advice was immediately ignored by everyone except the parcel, which seemed offended that nobody had asked about its feelings.

In the end, the crew solved the matter in the traditional Space 2047 manner: accidentally, noisily, and with paperwork still attached. Salomina tripped over a revisualizing device, Susan with the Viking helmet shouted an apology at the wrong person, and the ship’s space horn went off with enough force to make a distant meteorite forget the second verse of a song it had been singing since Tuesday.

The Delivery and the Consequences

The crew gathered in the control room, which had recently been cleaned by a robot that believed dust was a protected species. Salomina proposed a sensible investigation. Susan with the Viking helmet proposed shouting at the ceiling. Father Alfonso Lonely suggested sending the problem an invoice, because in the modern galaxy nothing was truly real until somebody had charged you for it twice.

For inspiration, the ship’s ancient memory banks produced the phrase, “nineteen ninety nine.” Karen then spoke with a disbelieving look on her face, “Oh, I see, but are you sure that the owner of this computer chip was”, which nobody understood but everyone pretended was profound. Cedric nodded as if he had just discovered philosophy inside a vending machine. Salomina stared at the readout with the expression of a woman who had once seduced a vacuum cleaner and therefore no longer trusted electrical appliances with smooth edges.

The first plan involved a chocolate bar with ideas above its station. The second plan involved pretending the first plan had never happened. The third plan, which Brian liked best, involved lifting something heavy, looking heroic, and hoping the universe mistook confidence for competence. Unfortunately the universe had met Brian before and was not easily fooled.

Soon the situation spread to a space motorway service station, where an automated announcement declared that all passengers should remain calm, panic in an orderly queue, and avoid making eye contact with any parcel that appeared to be breathing. This advice was immediately ignored by everyone except the parcel, which seemed offended that nobody had asked about its feelings.

In the end, the crew solved the matter in the traditional Space 2047 manner: accidentally, noisily, and with paperwork still attached. Salomina tripped over a chocolate bar with ideas above its station, Susan with the Viking helmet shouted an apology at the wrong person, and the ship’s space horn went off with enough force to make a distant meteorite forget the second verse of a song it had been singing since Tuesday.

A Closing Note from the Software

The crew gathered in the control room, which had recently been cleaned by a robot that believed dust was a protected species. Salomina proposed a sensible investigation. Susan with the Viking helmet proposed shouting at the ceiling. Susan with the Viking helmet suggested sending the problem an invoice, because in the modern galaxy nothing was truly real until somebody had charged you for it twice.

For inspiration, the ship’s ancient memory banks produced the phrase, “are you sure that the owner of this computer chip was not drunk and mistaking a computer chip for a normal chip from the local fish and chip”, which nobody understood but everyone pretended was profound. Cedric nodded as if he had just discovered philosophy inside a vending machine. Salomina stared at the readout with the expression of a woman who had once seduced a vacuum cleaner and therefore no longer trusted electrical appliances with smooth edges.

The first plan involved a packet of crisps. The second plan involved pretending the first plan had never happened. The third plan, which Brian liked best, involved lifting something heavy, looking heroic, and hoping the universe mistook confidence for competence. Unfortunately the universe had met Brian before and was not easily fooled.

Soon the situation spread to the Intergalactic Global Community Network depot, where an automated announcement declared that all passengers should remain calm, panic in an orderly queue, and avoid making eye contact with any parcel that appeared to be breathing. This advice was immediately ignored by everyone except the parcel, which seemed offended that nobody had asked about its feelings.

In the end, the crew solved the matter in the traditional Space 2047 manner: accidentally, noisily, and with paperwork still attached. Salomina tripped over a packet of crisps, Susan with the Viking helmet shouted an apology at the wrong person, and the ship’s space horn went off with enough force to make a distant meteorite forget the second verse of a song it had been singing since Tuesday.

And so the ship continued onwards, slightly damaged, morally uncertain, and almost certainly late, which was normal for the crew of Are We There Yet?.