Crew Notes Archive

Character Journals

Personal logs, delivery notes, survival warnings, music diaries, cleaning reports and official Eric Strudelhofen regulations from across the Space 2047 universe.

Maintenance Report

Gertrude's Cleaning Reports

Dust is not inevitable. Dust is a declaration of war.

Underpants Event

Robot underpants discovered in vent shaft. Sanitisation ongoing.

Maintenance Note

Brian described the floor as clean enough. Brian has been reported.

Dust Alert

Dust level reached 0.04%. Emergency mopping protocols activated.

Galactic Advice Column

Susan: Best Kisser in the Universe

The universe is vast, but good lipstick travels further.

Reputation Report

Three planets have requested diplomatic training after Susan winked at their ambassadors.

Emergency Note

Brian attempted charm. Medical bay recommends rest and fewer eyebrows.

Cosmic Etiquette

If someone calls themselves irresistible, check for hidden tentacles and unpaid parking fines.

Survival Report

Karen's Survival Log

I have survived three alien invasions and one of Gerald’s rehearsals. I fear nothing except paperwork.

Emergency Drill

Crew evacuated in six seconds. Brian returned for his moustache comb and ruined the average.

Personal Note

If the galaxy ends, I would like it recorded that I warned everyone first.

Nouala Warning

Eric Strudelhofen has made breathing paperwork-adjacent. Avoid official buildings.

Royal Broadcast

Salomina's Royal Broadcasts

A queen of the cosmos must remain calm, radiant and extremely suspicious.

Cosmic Statement

I have reviewed Gerald’s latest song and declared it almost legal.

Royal Advisory

Never accept a crown from a planet that also offers you a receipt.

Crew Observation

Brian means well, which is often how trouble begins.

Official Regulation

Eric Strudelhofen's Regulations

A regulation a day keeps democracy confused.

Regulation 7421

All spoons must be admired for at least three seconds before use.

Emergency Strudel Decree

Any suspicious pastry is property of the state until I have finished eating it.

Palace Memo

Anyone taller than Eric must crouch during official photographs.

Alien Incident File

Flesh Eating Aliens from MAAM

If a MAAM alien says dinner is served, clarify whether you are dinner.

Brian Report

Brian survived MAAM territory by pretending his moustache was an endangered species.

Canteen Report

Space Cheese distracts MAAM aliens for exactly nine seconds. Use those seconds wisely.

Diplomatic Update

Karen has negotiated a treaty based on snacks, distance and shouting.

Cargo Manifest

Cedric's Cargo Reports

The cargo bay is not haunted. It is administratively unsettled.

Space Cheese Audit

The cheese has started humming. Gertrude says this is unhygienic.

Missing Parcel

Parcel 9B walked away. It left a forwarding address and a rude drawing.

Crate Incident

A box marked Fragile bit the forklift. Forklift expected to recover emotionally.

Music Diary

Gerald's Music Diary

Music is the language of the universe, except on Tuesday when it is mostly feedback.

Radio Note

Played one chord so powerful the Communications Hub asked for a lie down.

Creative Breakthrough

Invented a new genre called panic funk. Karen says it already existed whenever I enter a room.

Studio Session

Recorded a song with the engine room. The chorus exploded beautifully.

Delivery Log

Brian's Delivery Notes

Never trust a package that looks smug.

Emergency Route Change

Took a shortcut through a wormhole and arrived before I had left. I still billed overtime.

Delivery 2047-A

Delivered three crates of Space Cheese to Nouala. Eric immediately declared cheese a taxable emotion.

Suspicious Parcel

Parcel asked to speak to my manager. I promoted Cedric temporarily and hid behind the cargo bay.