Crew Notes Archive

Character Journals

Personal logs, delivery notes, survival warnings, music diaries, cleaning reports and official Eric Strudelhofen regulations from across the Space 2047 universe.

Maintenance Report

Gertrude's Cleaning Reports

Cleanliness is next to survivability.

Cargo Bay Cleaning

Space Cheese residue resisted standard mop. Upgraded to heroic mop.

Tea Cup Emergency

Sixteen teacups entered low orbit. Recovery net deployed.

Dust Alert

Dust level reached 0.04%. Emergency mopping protocols activated.

Cargo Manifest

Cedric's Cargo Reports

If a crate screams, inventory it quickly and from a distance.

Manifest Error

One crate of socks became three crates of suspiciously organised underpants.

Inventory Note

Found one moon, two spoons and a small legal department behind the emergency biscuits.

Space Cheese Audit

The cheese has started humming. Gertrude says this is unhygienic.

Delivery Log

Brian's Delivery Notes

If the parcel is ticking, humming or politely asking for legal representation, do not sign for it.

Delivery 2047-A

Delivered three crates of Space Cheese to Nouala. Eric immediately declared cheese a taxable emotion.

Emergency Route Change

Took a shortcut through a wormhole and arrived before I had left. I still billed overtime.

Suspicious Parcel

Parcel asked to speak to my manager. I promoted Cedric temporarily and hid behind the cargo bay.

Survival Report

Karen's Survival Log

If Brian says it is probably fine, put your helmet on.

Risk Assessment

Cedric opened a crate labelled Definitely Not Dangerous. It was dangerous.

Crew Safety

Gerald tried to tune his guitar using the engine. The engine now plays jazz.

Nouala Warning

Eric Strudelhofen has made breathing paperwork-adjacent. Avoid official buildings.

Royal Broadcast

Salomina's Royal Broadcasts

A queen of the cosmos must remain calm, radiant and extremely suspicious.

Cosmic Statement

I have reviewed Gerald’s latest song and declared it almost legal.

Crew Observation

Brian means well, which is often how trouble begins.

Diplomatic Note

Eric Strudelhofen attempted to bow to himself in a mirror. Talks remain difficult.

Galactic Advice Column

Susan: Best Kisser in the Universe

The universe is vast, but good lipstick travels further.

Emergency Note

Brian attempted charm. Medical bay recommends rest and fewer eyebrows.

Reputation Report

Three planets have requested diplomatic training after Susan winked at their ambassadors.

Cosmic Etiquette

If someone calls themselves irresistible, check for hidden tentacles and unpaid parking fines.

Alien Incident File

Flesh Eating Aliens from MAAM

They are friendly, affectionate and catastrophically bitey.

First Contact

The MAAM delegation greeted the crew warmly, then tried to season Cedric.

Brian Report

Brian survived MAAM territory by pretending his moustache was an endangered species.

Canteen Report

Space Cheese distracts MAAM aliens for exactly nine seconds. Use those seconds wisely.

Official Regulation

Eric Strudelhofen's Regulations

Nouala is free, provided everyone does exactly what I say before I say it.

Emergency Strudel Decree

Any suspicious pastry is property of the state until I have finished eating it.

Nouala Directive

Citizens must salute small sandwiches because greatness often arrives in compact form.

Regulation 7421

All spoons must be admired for at least three seconds before use.

Music Diary

Gerald's Music Diary

Every galaxy has a key. Unfortunately, mine is slightly out of tune.

Lost Guitar

Misplaced guitar again. Suspect gravity, Brian, or a very ambitious cupboard.

Studio Session

Recorded a song with the engine room. The chorus exploded beautifully.

Guitar Signal

My guitar picked up a distress call from a sandwich.