Crew Notes Archive

Character Journals

Personal logs, delivery notes, survival warnings, music diaries, cleaning reports and official Eric Strudelhofen regulations from across the Space 2047 universe.

Survival Report

Karen's Survival Log

The trick to surviving space is simple: never trust anything smiling with too many teeth.

Nouala Warning

Eric Strudelhofen has made breathing paperwork-adjacent. Avoid official buildings.

Crew Safety

Gerald tried to tune his guitar using the engine. The engine now plays jazz.

Risk Assessment

Cedric opened a crate labelled Definitely Not Dangerous. It was dangerous.

Music Diary

Gerald's Music Diary

Music is the language of the universe, except on Tuesday when it is mostly feedback.

Lost Guitar

Misplaced guitar again. Suspect gravity, Brian, or a very ambitious cupboard.

Radio Note

Played one chord so powerful the Communications Hub asked for a lie down.

Creative Breakthrough

Invented a new genre called panic funk. Karen says it already existed whenever I enter a room.

Alien Incident File

Flesh Eating Aliens from MAAM

If a MAAM alien says dinner is served, clarify whether you are dinner.

Canteen Report

Space Cheese distracts MAAM aliens for exactly nine seconds. Use those seconds wisely.

Safety Notice

Do not accept hugs from anything with more than two elbows and a bib.

Brian Report

Brian survived MAAM territory by pretending his moustache was an endangered species.

Galactic Advice Column

Susan: Best Kisser in the Universe

The universe is vast, but good lipstick travels further.

Emergency Note

Brian attempted charm. Medical bay recommends rest and fewer eyebrows.

Cosmic Etiquette

If someone calls themselves irresistible, check for hidden tentacles and unpaid parking fines.

Reputation Report

Three planets have requested diplomatic training after Susan winked at their ambassadors.

Cargo Manifest

Cedric's Cargo Reports

The cargo bay is not haunted. It is administratively unsettled.

Missing Parcel

Parcel 9B walked away. It left a forwarding address and a rude drawing.

Manifest Error

One crate of socks became three crates of suspiciously organised underpants.

Inventory Note

Found one moon, two spoons and a small legal department behind the emergency biscuits.

Royal Broadcast

Salomina's Royal Broadcasts

A queen of the cosmos must remain calm, radiant and extremely suspicious.

Royal Advisory

Never accept a crown from a planet that also offers you a receipt.

Crew Observation

Brian means well, which is often how trouble begins.

Diplomatic Note

Eric Strudelhofen attempted to bow to himself in a mirror. Talks remain difficult.

Delivery Log

Brian's Delivery Notes

Never trust a package that looks smug.

Moustache Incident

My moustache was mistaken for a diplomatic flag by a traffic warden moon. Negotiations remain itchy.

Emergency Route Change

Took a shortcut through a wormhole and arrived before I had left. I still billed overtime.

Black Hole Chip Shop

Collected vinegar near the event horizon. Lost two chips, one receipt and most of Tuesday.

Maintenance Report

Gertrude's Cleaning Reports

Dust is not inevitable. Dust is a declaration of war.

Dust Alert

Dust level reached 0.04%. Emergency mopping protocols activated.

Underpants Event

Robot underpants discovered in vent shaft. Sanitisation ongoing.

Tea Cup Emergency

Sixteen teacups entered low orbit. Recovery net deployed.

Official Regulation

Eric Strudelhofen's Regulations

A regulation a day keeps democracy confused.

Palace Memo

Anyone taller than Eric must crouch during official photographs.

Public Notice

Laughing without a permit is allowed only on alternate Wednesdays.

Nouala Directive

Citizens must salute small sandwiches because greatness often arrives in compact form.