Crew Notes Archive

Character Journals

Personal logs, delivery notes, survival warnings, music diaries, cleaning reports and official Eric Strudelhofen regulations from across the Space 2047 universe.

Alien Incident File

Flesh Eating Aliens from MAAM

MAAM hospitality includes tea, biscuits and a legally worrying number of teeth.

First Contact

The MAAM delegation greeted the crew warmly, then tried to season Cedric.

Diplomatic Update

Karen has negotiated a treaty based on snacks, distance and shouting.

Canteen Report

Space Cheese distracts MAAM aliens for exactly nine seconds. Use those seconds wisely.

Survival Report

Karen's Survival Log

If Brian says it is probably fine, put your helmet on.

Emergency Drill

Crew evacuated in six seconds. Brian returned for his moustache comb and ruined the average.

Crew Safety

Gerald tried to tune his guitar using the engine. The engine now plays jazz.

Nouala Warning

Eric Strudelhofen has made breathing paperwork-adjacent. Avoid official buildings.

Cargo Manifest

Cedric's Cargo Reports

A good cargo officer knows what is in every crate. I have chosen a more mysterious path.

Crate Incident

A box marked Fragile bit the forklift. Forklift expected to recover emotionally.

Manifest Error

One crate of socks became three crates of suspiciously organised underpants.

Missing Parcel

Parcel 9B walked away. It left a forwarding address and a rude drawing.

Maintenance Report

Gertrude's Cleaning Reports

Cleanliness is next to survivability.

Tea Cup Emergency

Sixteen teacups entered low orbit. Recovery net deployed.

Underpants Event

Robot underpants discovered in vent shaft. Sanitisation ongoing.

Cargo Bay Cleaning

Space Cheese residue resisted standard mop. Upgraded to heroic mop.

Music Diary

Gerald's Music Diary

Music is the language of the universe, except on Tuesday when it is mostly feedback.

Creative Breakthrough

Invented a new genre called panic funk. Karen says it already existed whenever I enter a room.

Radio Note

Played one chord so powerful the Communications Hub asked for a lie down.

Studio Session

Recorded a song with the engine room. The chorus exploded beautifully.

Galactic Advice Column

Susan: Best Kisser in the Universe

A kiss can stop a war, start a war, or make Brian walk into a door.

Emergency Note

Brian attempted charm. Medical bay recommends rest and fewer eyebrows.

Lounge Log

Susan declared the Communications Hub insufficiently romantic and replaced one alarm with smooth jazz.

Advice Transmission

Never kiss an alien until you know where its mouth officially begins.

Official Regulation

Eric Strudelhofen's Regulations

Nouala is free, provided everyone does exactly what I say before I say it.

Public Notice

Laughing without a permit is allowed only on alternate Wednesdays.

Nouala Directive

Citizens must salute small sandwiches because greatness often arrives in compact form.

Palace Memo

Anyone taller than Eric must crouch during official photographs.

Delivery Log

Brian's Delivery Notes

A successful delivery is one where nobody sues the moustache.

Emergency Route Change

Took a shortcut through a wormhole and arrived before I had left. I still billed overtime.

Moustache Incident

My moustache was mistaken for a diplomatic flag by a traffic warden moon. Negotiations remain itchy.

Suspicious Parcel

Parcel asked to speak to my manager. I promoted Cedric temporarily and hid behind the cargo bay.

Royal Broadcast

Salomina's Royal Broadcasts

A queen of the cosmos must remain calm, radiant and extremely suspicious.

Cosmic Statement

I have reviewed Gerald’s latest song and declared it almost legal.

Crew Observation

Brian means well, which is often how trouble begins.

Royal Advisory

Never accept a crown from a planet that also offers you a receipt.