Crew Notes Archive

Character Journals

Personal logs, delivery notes, survival warnings, music diaries, cleaning reports and official Eric Strudelhofen regulations from across the Space 2047 universe.

Royal Broadcast

Salomina's Royal Broadcasts

Royal patience is infinite. Mine, sadly, is not.

Crew Observation

Brian means well, which is often how trouble begins.

Diplomatic Note

Eric Strudelhofen attempted to bow to himself in a mirror. Talks remain difficult.

Royal Advisory

Never accept a crown from a planet that also offers you a receipt.

Official Regulation

Eric Strudelhofen's Regulations

A regulation a day keeps democracy confused.

Regulation 7421

All spoons must be admired for at least three seconds before use.

Palace Memo

Anyone taller than Eric must crouch during official photographs.

Emergency Strudel Decree

Any suspicious pastry is property of the state until I have finished eating it.

Delivery Log

Brian's Delivery Notes

If the parcel is ticking, humming or politely asking for legal representation, do not sign for it.

Suspicious Parcel

Parcel asked to speak to my manager. I promoted Cedric temporarily and hid behind the cargo bay.

Delivery 2047-A

Delivered three crates of Space Cheese to Nouala. Eric immediately declared cheese a taxable emotion.

Black Hole Chip Shop

Collected vinegar near the event horizon. Lost two chips, one receipt and most of Tuesday.

Cargo Manifest

Cedric's Cargo Reports

The cargo bay is not haunted. It is administratively unsettled.

Inventory Note

Found one moon, two spoons and a small legal department behind the emergency biscuits.

Missing Parcel

Parcel 9B walked away. It left a forwarding address and a rude drawing.

Space Cheese Audit

The cheese has started humming. Gertrude says this is unhygienic.

Survival Report

Karen's Survival Log

I have survived three alien invasions and one of Gerald’s rehearsals. I fear nothing except paperwork.

Nouala Warning

Eric Strudelhofen has made breathing paperwork-adjacent. Avoid official buildings.

Emergency Drill

Crew evacuated in six seconds. Brian returned for his moustache comb and ruined the average.

Personal Note

If the galaxy ends, I would like it recorded that I warned everyone first.

Maintenance Report

Gertrude's Cleaning Reports

Cleanliness is next to survivability.

Tea Cup Emergency

Sixteen teacups entered low orbit. Recovery net deployed.

Cargo Bay Cleaning

Space Cheese residue resisted standard mop. Upgraded to heroic mop.

Maintenance Note

Brian described the floor as clean enough. Brian has been reported.

Galactic Advice Column

Susan: Best Kisser in the Universe

The universe is vast, but good lipstick travels further.

Reputation Report

Three planets have requested diplomatic training after Susan winked at their ambassadors.

Cosmic Etiquette

If someone calls themselves irresistible, check for hidden tentacles and unpaid parking fines.

Advice Transmission

Never kiss an alien until you know where its mouth officially begins.

Alien Incident File

Flesh Eating Aliens from MAAM

They are friendly, affectionate and catastrophically bitey.

Safety Notice

Do not accept hugs from anything with more than two elbows and a bib.

Brian Report

Brian survived MAAM territory by pretending his moustache was an endangered species.

Diplomatic Update

Karen has negotiated a treaty based on snacks, distance and shouting.

Music Diary

Gerald's Music Diary

A guitar solo can solve many problems. Not legal problems, but many problems.

Lost Guitar

Misplaced guitar again. Suspect gravity, Brian, or a very ambitious cupboard.

Creative Breakthrough

Invented a new genre called panic funk. Karen says it already existed whenever I enter a room.

Radio Note

Played one chord so powerful the Communications Hub asked for a lie down.