Crew Notes Archive

Character Journals

Personal logs, delivery notes, survival warnings, music diaries, cleaning reports and official Eric Strudelhofen regulations from across the Space 2047 universe.

Maintenance Report

Gertrude's Cleaning Reports

I do not chase dirt. Dirt flees me.

Underpants Event

Robot underpants discovered in vent shaft. Sanitisation ongoing.

Maintenance Note

Brian described the floor as clean enough. Brian has been reported.

Tea Cup Emergency

Sixteen teacups entered low orbit. Recovery net deployed.

Delivery Log

Brian's Delivery Notes

If the parcel is ticking, humming or politely asking for legal representation, do not sign for it.

Suspicious Parcel

Parcel asked to speak to my manager. I promoted Cedric temporarily and hid behind the cargo bay.

Moustache Incident

My moustache was mistaken for a diplomatic flag by a traffic warden moon. Negotiations remain itchy.

Delivery 2047-A

Delivered three crates of Space Cheese to Nouala. Eric immediately declared cheese a taxable emotion.

Royal Broadcast

Salomina's Royal Broadcasts

The galaxy would be easier to manage if everyone listened to me immediately and without snacks.

Royal Advisory

Never accept a crown from a planet that also offers you a receipt.

Broadcast One

Citizens of space, please stop naming moons after lunch items.

Crew Observation

Brian means well, which is often how trouble begins.

Galactic Advice Column

Susan: Best Kisser in the Universe

The universe is vast, but good lipstick travels further.

Advice Transmission

Never kiss an alien until you know where its mouth officially begins.

Emergency Note

Brian attempted charm. Medical bay recommends rest and fewer eyebrows.

Lounge Log

Susan declared the Communications Hub insufficiently romantic and replaced one alarm with smooth jazz.

Survival Report

Karen's Survival Log

I have survived three alien invasions and one of Gerald’s rehearsals. I fear nothing except paperwork.

Personal Note

If the galaxy ends, I would like it recorded that I warned everyone first.

Risk Assessment

Cedric opened a crate labelled Definitely Not Dangerous. It was dangerous.

Nouala Warning

Eric Strudelhofen has made breathing paperwork-adjacent. Avoid official buildings.

Cargo Manifest

Cedric's Cargo Reports

A good cargo officer knows what is in every crate. I have chosen a more mysterious path.

Crate Incident

A box marked Fragile bit the forklift. Forklift expected to recover emotionally.

Inventory Note

Found one moon, two spoons and a small legal department behind the emergency biscuits.

Space Cheese Audit

The cheese has started humming. Gertrude says this is unhygienic.

Official Regulation

Eric Strudelhofen's Regulations

Nouala is free, provided everyone does exactly what I say before I say it.

Regulation 7421

All spoons must be admired for at least three seconds before use.

Palace Memo

Anyone taller than Eric must crouch during official photographs.

Emergency Strudel Decree

Any suspicious pastry is property of the state until I have finished eating it.

Music Diary

Gerald's Music Diary

Every galaxy has a key. Unfortunately, mine is slightly out of tune.

Studio Session

Recorded a song with the engine room. The chorus exploded beautifully.

Guitar Signal

My guitar picked up a distress call from a sandwich.

Creative Breakthrough

Invented a new genre called panic funk. Karen says it already existed whenever I enter a room.

Alien Incident File

Flesh Eating Aliens from MAAM

They are friendly, affectionate and catastrophically bitey.

Diplomatic Update

Karen has negotiated a treaty based on snacks, distance and shouting.

First Contact

The MAAM delegation greeted the crew warmly, then tried to season Cedric.

Brian Report

Brian survived MAAM territory by pretending his moustache was an endangered species.