Crew Notes Archive

Character Journals

Personal logs, delivery notes, survival warnings, music diaries, cleaning reports and official Eric Strudelhofen regulations from across the Space 2047 universe.

Maintenance Report

Gertrude's Cleaning Reports

I do not chase dirt. Dirt flees me.

Cargo Bay Cleaning

Space Cheese residue resisted standard mop. Upgraded to heroic mop.

Underpants Event

Robot underpants discovered in vent shaft. Sanitisation ongoing.

Maintenance Note

Brian described the floor as clean enough. Brian has been reported.

Music Diary

Gerald's Music Diary

A guitar solo can solve many problems. Not legal problems, but many problems.

Radio Note

Played one chord so powerful the Communications Hub asked for a lie down.

Guitar Signal

My guitar picked up a distress call from a sandwich.

Studio Session

Recorded a song with the engine room. The chorus exploded beautifully.

Cargo Manifest

Cedric's Cargo Reports

The cargo bay is not haunted. It is administratively unsettled.

Missing Parcel

Parcel 9B walked away. It left a forwarding address and a rude drawing.

Inventory Note

Found one moon, two spoons and a small legal department behind the emergency biscuits.

Space Cheese Audit

The cheese has started humming. Gertrude says this is unhygienic.

Official Regulation

Eric Strudelhofen's Regulations

Nouala is free, provided everyone does exactly what I say before I say it.

Nouala Directive

Citizens must salute small sandwiches because greatness often arrives in compact form.

Public Notice

Laughing without a permit is allowed only on alternate Wednesdays.

Palace Memo

Anyone taller than Eric must crouch during official photographs.

Survival Report

Karen's Survival Log

I have survived three alien invasions and one of Gerald’s rehearsals. I fear nothing except paperwork.

Emergency Drill

Crew evacuated in six seconds. Brian returned for his moustache comb and ruined the average.

Risk Assessment

Cedric opened a crate labelled Definitely Not Dangerous. It was dangerous.

Crew Safety

Gerald tried to tune his guitar using the engine. The engine now plays jazz.

Royal Broadcast

Salomina's Royal Broadcasts

A queen of the cosmos must remain calm, radiant and extremely suspicious.

Royal Advisory

Never accept a crown from a planet that also offers you a receipt.

Diplomatic Note

Eric Strudelhofen attempted to bow to himself in a mirror. Talks remain difficult.

Crew Observation

Brian means well, which is often how trouble begins.

Alien Incident File

Flesh Eating Aliens from MAAM

They are friendly, affectionate and catastrophically bitey.

First Contact

The MAAM delegation greeted the crew warmly, then tried to season Cedric.

Canteen Report

Space Cheese distracts MAAM aliens for exactly nine seconds. Use those seconds wisely.

Brian Report

Brian survived MAAM territory by pretending his moustache was an endangered species.

Galactic Advice Column

Susan: Best Kisser in the Universe

A kiss can stop a war, start a war, or make Brian walk into a door.

Cosmic Etiquette

If someone calls themselves irresistible, check for hidden tentacles and unpaid parking fines.

Advice Transmission

Never kiss an alien until you know where its mouth officially begins.

Emergency Note

Brian attempted charm. Medical bay recommends rest and fewer eyebrows.

Delivery Log

Brian's Delivery Notes

A successful delivery is one where nobody sues the moustache.

Suspicious Parcel

Parcel asked to speak to my manager. I promoted Cedric temporarily and hid behind the cargo bay.

Black Hole Chip Shop

Collected vinegar near the event horizon. Lost two chips, one receipt and most of Tuesday.

Delivery 2047-A

Delivered three crates of Space Cheese to Nouala. Eric immediately declared cheese a taxable emotion.