Crew Notes Archive

Character Journals

Personal logs, delivery notes, survival warnings, music diaries, cleaning reports and official Eric Strudelhofen regulations from across the Space 2047 universe.

Maintenance Report

Gertrude's Cleaning Reports

Dust is not inevitable. Dust is a declaration of war.

Maintenance Note

Brian described the floor as clean enough. Brian has been reported.

Underpants Event

Robot underpants discovered in vent shaft. Sanitisation ongoing.

Dust Alert

Dust level reached 0.04%. Emergency mopping protocols activated.

Official Regulation

Eric Strudelhofen's Regulations

Nouala is free, provided everyone does exactly what I say before I say it.

Public Notice

Laughing without a permit is allowed only on alternate Wednesdays.

Emergency Strudel Decree

Any suspicious pastry is property of the state until I have finished eating it.

Regulation 7421

All spoons must be admired for at least three seconds before use.

Royal Broadcast

Salomina's Royal Broadcasts

The galaxy would be easier to manage if everyone listened to me immediately and without snacks.

Diplomatic Note

Eric Strudelhofen attempted to bow to himself in a mirror. Talks remain difficult.

Royal Advisory

Never accept a crown from a planet that also offers you a receipt.

Cosmic Statement

I have reviewed Gerald’s latest song and declared it almost legal.

Galactic Advice Column

Susan: Best Kisser in the Universe

Romance in space requires confidence, oxygen and a reliable escape pod.

Emergency Note

Brian attempted charm. Medical bay recommends rest and fewer eyebrows.

Lounge Log

Susan declared the Communications Hub insufficiently romantic and replaced one alarm with smooth jazz.

Advice Transmission

Never kiss an alien until you know where its mouth officially begins.

Alien Incident File

Flesh Eating Aliens from MAAM

If a MAAM alien says dinner is served, clarify whether you are dinner.

Safety Notice

Do not accept hugs from anything with more than two elbows and a bib.

Canteen Report

Space Cheese distracts MAAM aliens for exactly nine seconds. Use those seconds wisely.

First Contact

The MAAM delegation greeted the crew warmly, then tried to season Cedric.

Music Diary

Gerald's Music Diary

Music is the language of the universe, except on Tuesday when it is mostly feedback.

Lost Guitar

Misplaced guitar again. Suspect gravity, Brian, or a very ambitious cupboard.

Creative Breakthrough

Invented a new genre called panic funk. Karen says it already existed whenever I enter a room.

Guitar Signal

My guitar picked up a distress call from a sandwich.

Delivery Log

Brian's Delivery Notes

Never trust a package that looks smug.

Emergency Route Change

Took a shortcut through a wormhole and arrived before I had left. I still billed overtime.

Delivery 2047-A

Delivered three crates of Space Cheese to Nouala. Eric immediately declared cheese a taxable emotion.

Suspicious Parcel

Parcel asked to speak to my manager. I promoted Cedric temporarily and hid behind the cargo bay.

Cargo Manifest

Cedric's Cargo Reports

If a crate screams, inventory it quickly and from a distance.

Space Cheese Audit

The cheese has started humming. Gertrude says this is unhygienic.

Crate Incident

A box marked Fragile bit the forklift. Forklift expected to recover emotionally.

Manifest Error

One crate of socks became three crates of suspiciously organised underpants.

Survival Report

Karen's Survival Log

The trick to surviving space is simple: never trust anything smiling with too many teeth.

Personal Note

If the galaxy ends, I would like it recorded that I warned everyone first.

Nouala Warning

Eric Strudelhofen has made breathing paperwork-adjacent. Avoid official buildings.

Risk Assessment

Cedric opened a crate labelled Definitely Not Dangerous. It was dangerous.