Crew Notes Archive

Character Journals

Personal logs, delivery notes, survival warnings, music diaries, cleaning reports and official Eric Strudelhofen regulations from across the Space 2047 universe.

Maintenance Report

Gertrude's Cleaning Reports

Cleanliness is next to survivability.

Underpants Event

Robot underpants discovered in vent shaft. Sanitisation ongoing.

Cargo Bay Cleaning

Space Cheese residue resisted standard mop. Upgraded to heroic mop.

Dust Alert

Dust level reached 0.04%. Emergency mopping protocols activated.

Cargo Manifest

Cedric's Cargo Reports

If a crate screams, inventory it quickly and from a distance.

Manifest Error

One crate of socks became three crates of suspiciously organised underpants.

Space Cheese Audit

The cheese has started humming. Gertrude says this is unhygienic.

Inventory Note

Found one moon, two spoons and a small legal department behind the emergency biscuits.

Music Diary

Gerald's Music Diary

Every galaxy has a key. Unfortunately, mine is slightly out of tune.

Radio Note

Played one chord so powerful the Communications Hub asked for a lie down.

Studio Session

Recorded a song with the engine room. The chorus exploded beautifully.

Guitar Signal

My guitar picked up a distress call from a sandwich.

Royal Broadcast

Salomina's Royal Broadcasts

The galaxy would be easier to manage if everyone listened to me immediately and without snacks.

Royal Advisory

Never accept a crown from a planet that also offers you a receipt.

Crew Observation

Brian means well, which is often how trouble begins.

Diplomatic Note

Eric Strudelhofen attempted to bow to himself in a mirror. Talks remain difficult.

Delivery Log

Brian's Delivery Notes

Never trust a package that looks smug.

Black Hole Chip Shop

Collected vinegar near the event horizon. Lost two chips, one receipt and most of Tuesday.

Suspicious Parcel

Parcel asked to speak to my manager. I promoted Cedric temporarily and hid behind the cargo bay.

Emergency Route Change

Took a shortcut through a wormhole and arrived before I had left. I still billed overtime.

Official Regulation

Eric Strudelhofen's Regulations

Nouala is free, provided everyone does exactly what I say before I say it.

Nouala Directive

Citizens must salute small sandwiches because greatness often arrives in compact form.

Palace Memo

Anyone taller than Eric must crouch during official photographs.

Emergency Strudel Decree

Any suspicious pastry is property of the state until I have finished eating it.

Survival Report

Karen's Survival Log

The trick to surviving space is simple: never trust anything smiling with too many teeth.

Nouala Warning

Eric Strudelhofen has made breathing paperwork-adjacent. Avoid official buildings.

Risk Assessment

Cedric opened a crate labelled Definitely Not Dangerous. It was dangerous.

Emergency Drill

Crew evacuated in six seconds. Brian returned for his moustache comb and ruined the average.

Alien Incident File

Flesh Eating Aliens from MAAM

MAAM hospitality includes tea, biscuits and a legally worrying number of teeth.

Safety Notice

Do not accept hugs from anything with more than two elbows and a bib.

Canteen Report

Space Cheese distracts MAAM aliens for exactly nine seconds. Use those seconds wisely.

Diplomatic Update

Karen has negotiated a treaty based on snacks, distance and shouting.

Galactic Advice Column

Susan: Best Kisser in the Universe

Romance in space requires confidence, oxygen and a reliable escape pod.

Reputation Report

Three planets have requested diplomatic training after Susan winked at their ambassadors.

Emergency Note

Brian attempted charm. Medical bay recommends rest and fewer eyebrows.

Cosmic Etiquette

If someone calls themselves irresistible, check for hidden tentacles and unpaid parking fines.