Crew Notes Archive

Character Journals

Personal logs, delivery notes, survival warnings, music diaries, cleaning reports and official Eric Strudelhofen regulations from across the Space 2047 universe.

Music Diary

Gerald's Music Diary

Every galaxy has a key. Unfortunately, mine is slightly out of tune.

Creative Breakthrough

Invented a new genre called panic funk. Karen says it already existed whenever I enter a room.

Guitar Signal

My guitar picked up a distress call from a sandwich.

Lost Guitar

Misplaced guitar again. Suspect gravity, Brian, or a very ambitious cupboard.

Survival Report

Karen's Survival Log

I have survived three alien invasions and one of Gerald’s rehearsals. I fear nothing except paperwork.

Crew Safety

Gerald tried to tune his guitar using the engine. The engine now plays jazz.

Emergency Drill

Crew evacuated in six seconds. Brian returned for his moustache comb and ruined the average.

Risk Assessment

Cedric opened a crate labelled Definitely Not Dangerous. It was dangerous.

Cargo Manifest

Cedric's Cargo Reports

The cargo bay is not haunted. It is administratively unsettled.

Inventory Note

Found one moon, two spoons and a small legal department behind the emergency biscuits.

Space Cheese Audit

The cheese has started humming. Gertrude says this is unhygienic.

Crate Incident

A box marked Fragile bit the forklift. Forklift expected to recover emotionally.

Royal Broadcast

Salomina's Royal Broadcasts

The galaxy would be easier to manage if everyone listened to me immediately and without snacks.

Broadcast One

Citizens of space, please stop naming moons after lunch items.

Cosmic Statement

I have reviewed Gerald’s latest song and declared it almost legal.

Crew Observation

Brian means well, which is often how trouble begins.

Maintenance Report

Gertrude's Cleaning Reports

I do not chase dirt. Dirt flees me.

Tea Cup Emergency

Sixteen teacups entered low orbit. Recovery net deployed.

Maintenance Note

Brian described the floor as clean enough. Brian has been reported.

Dust Alert

Dust level reached 0.04%. Emergency mopping protocols activated.

Galactic Advice Column

Susan: Best Kisser in the Universe

The universe is vast, but good lipstick travels further.

Emergency Note

Brian attempted charm. Medical bay recommends rest and fewer eyebrows.

Cosmic Etiquette

If someone calls themselves irresistible, check for hidden tentacles and unpaid parking fines.

Lounge Log

Susan declared the Communications Hub insufficiently romantic and replaced one alarm with smooth jazz.

Delivery Log

Brian's Delivery Notes

Never trust a package that looks smug.

Moustache Incident

My moustache was mistaken for a diplomatic flag by a traffic warden moon. Negotiations remain itchy.

Emergency Route Change

Took a shortcut through a wormhole and arrived before I had left. I still billed overtime.

Delivery 2047-A

Delivered three crates of Space Cheese to Nouala. Eric immediately declared cheese a taxable emotion.

Alien Incident File

Flesh Eating Aliens from MAAM

They are friendly, affectionate and catastrophically bitey.

Brian Report

Brian survived MAAM territory by pretending his moustache was an endangered species.

Canteen Report

Space Cheese distracts MAAM aliens for exactly nine seconds. Use those seconds wisely.

Diplomatic Update

Karen has negotiated a treaty based on snacks, distance and shouting.

Official Regulation

Eric Strudelhofen's Regulations

Nouala is free, provided everyone does exactly what I say before I say it.

Palace Memo

Anyone taller than Eric must crouch during official photographs.

Public Notice

Laughing without a permit is allowed only on alternate Wednesdays.

Nouala Directive

Citizens must salute small sandwiches because greatness often arrives in compact form.