Crew Notes Archive

Character Journals

Personal logs, delivery notes, survival warnings, music diaries, cleaning reports and official Eric Strudelhofen regulations from across the Space 2047 universe.

Music Diary

Gerald's Music Diary

Every galaxy has a key. Unfortunately, mine is slightly out of tune.

Studio Session

Recorded a song with the engine room. The chorus exploded beautifully.

Radio Note

Played one chord so powerful the Communications Hub asked for a lie down.

Creative Breakthrough

Invented a new genre called panic funk. Karen says it already existed whenever I enter a room.

Cargo Manifest

Cedric's Cargo Reports

A good cargo officer knows what is in every crate. I have chosen a more mysterious path.

Space Cheese Audit

The cheese has started humming. Gertrude says this is unhygienic.

Inventory Note

Found one moon, two spoons and a small legal department behind the emergency biscuits.

Crate Incident

A box marked Fragile bit the forklift. Forklift expected to recover emotionally.

Official Regulation

Eric Strudelhofen's Regulations

Nouala is free, provided everyone does exactly what I say before I say it.

Nouala Directive

Citizens must salute small sandwiches because greatness often arrives in compact form.

Palace Memo

Anyone taller than Eric must crouch during official photographs.

Emergency Strudel Decree

Any suspicious pastry is property of the state until I have finished eating it.

Royal Broadcast

Salomina's Royal Broadcasts

The galaxy would be easier to manage if everyone listened to me immediately and without snacks.

Cosmic Statement

I have reviewed Gerald’s latest song and declared it almost legal.

Broadcast One

Citizens of space, please stop naming moons after lunch items.

Diplomatic Note

Eric Strudelhofen attempted to bow to himself in a mirror. Talks remain difficult.

Galactic Advice Column

Susan: Best Kisser in the Universe

A kiss can stop a war, start a war, or make Brian walk into a door.

Advice Transmission

Never kiss an alien until you know where its mouth officially begins.

Cosmic Etiquette

If someone calls themselves irresistible, check for hidden tentacles and unpaid parking fines.

Emergency Note

Brian attempted charm. Medical bay recommends rest and fewer eyebrows.

Alien Incident File

Flesh Eating Aliens from MAAM

If a MAAM alien says dinner is served, clarify whether you are dinner.

Brian Report

Brian survived MAAM territory by pretending his moustache was an endangered species.

Diplomatic Update

Karen has negotiated a treaty based on snacks, distance and shouting.

Safety Notice

Do not accept hugs from anything with more than two elbows and a bib.

Survival Report

Karen's Survival Log

I have survived three alien invasions and one of Gerald’s rehearsals. I fear nothing except paperwork.

Personal Note

If the galaxy ends, I would like it recorded that I warned everyone first.

Emergency Drill

Crew evacuated in six seconds. Brian returned for his moustache comb and ruined the average.

Risk Assessment

Cedric opened a crate labelled Definitely Not Dangerous. It was dangerous.

Maintenance Report

Gertrude's Cleaning Reports

Dust is not inevitable. Dust is a declaration of war.

Maintenance Note

Brian described the floor as clean enough. Brian has been reported.

Underpants Event

Robot underpants discovered in vent shaft. Sanitisation ongoing.

Dust Alert

Dust level reached 0.04%. Emergency mopping protocols activated.

Delivery Log

Brian's Delivery Notes

A successful delivery is one where nobody sues the moustache.

Emergency Route Change

Took a shortcut through a wormhole and arrived before I had left. I still billed overtime.

Moustache Incident

My moustache was mistaken for a diplomatic flag by a traffic warden moon. Negotiations remain itchy.

Delivery 2047-A

Delivered three crates of Space Cheese to Nouala. Eric immediately declared cheese a taxable emotion.