Crew Notes Archive

Character Journals

Personal logs, delivery notes, survival warnings, music diaries, cleaning reports and official Eric Strudelhofen regulations from across the Space 2047 universe.

Cargo Manifest

Cedric's Cargo Reports

If a crate screams, inventory it quickly and from a distance.

Space Cheese Audit

The cheese has started humming. Gertrude says this is unhygienic.

Crate Incident

A box marked Fragile bit the forklift. Forklift expected to recover emotionally.

Missing Parcel

Parcel 9B walked away. It left a forwarding address and a rude drawing.

Delivery Log

Brian's Delivery Notes

Never trust a package that looks smug.

Suspicious Parcel

Parcel asked to speak to my manager. I promoted Cedric temporarily and hid behind the cargo bay.

Emergency Route Change

Took a shortcut through a wormhole and arrived before I had left. I still billed overtime.

Black Hole Chip Shop

Collected vinegar near the event horizon. Lost two chips, one receipt and most of Tuesday.

Maintenance Report

Gertrude's Cleaning Reports

I do not chase dirt. Dirt flees me.

Tea Cup Emergency

Sixteen teacups entered low orbit. Recovery net deployed.

Underpants Event

Robot underpants discovered in vent shaft. Sanitisation ongoing.

Cargo Bay Cleaning

Space Cheese residue resisted standard mop. Upgraded to heroic mop.

Official Regulation

Eric Strudelhofen's Regulations

Nouala is free, provided everyone does exactly what I say before I say it.

Nouala Directive

Citizens must salute small sandwiches because greatness often arrives in compact form.

Emergency Strudel Decree

Any suspicious pastry is property of the state until I have finished eating it.

Public Notice

Laughing without a permit is allowed only on alternate Wednesdays.

Survival Report

Karen's Survival Log

If Brian says it is probably fine, put your helmet on.

Crew Safety

Gerald tried to tune his guitar using the engine. The engine now plays jazz.

Personal Note

If the galaxy ends, I would like it recorded that I warned everyone first.

Emergency Drill

Crew evacuated in six seconds. Brian returned for his moustache comb and ruined the average.

Alien Incident File

Flesh Eating Aliens from MAAM

They are friendly, affectionate and catastrophically bitey.

Diplomatic Update

Karen has negotiated a treaty based on snacks, distance and shouting.

Safety Notice

Do not accept hugs from anything with more than two elbows and a bib.

Canteen Report

Space Cheese distracts MAAM aliens for exactly nine seconds. Use those seconds wisely.

Music Diary

Gerald's Music Diary

Music is the language of the universe, except on Tuesday when it is mostly feedback.

Lost Guitar

Misplaced guitar again. Suspect gravity, Brian, or a very ambitious cupboard.

Radio Note

Played one chord so powerful the Communications Hub asked for a lie down.

Studio Session

Recorded a song with the engine room. The chorus exploded beautifully.

Royal Broadcast

Salomina's Royal Broadcasts

Royal patience is infinite. Mine, sadly, is not.

Crew Observation

Brian means well, which is often how trouble begins.

Royal Advisory

Never accept a crown from a planet that also offers you a receipt.

Cosmic Statement

I have reviewed Gerald’s latest song and declared it almost legal.

Galactic Advice Column

Susan: Best Kisser in the Universe

Romance in space requires confidence, oxygen and a reliable escape pod.

Lounge Log

Susan declared the Communications Hub insufficiently romantic and replaced one alarm with smooth jazz.

Cosmic Etiquette

If someone calls themselves irresistible, check for hidden tentacles and unpaid parking fines.

Reputation Report

Three planets have requested diplomatic training after Susan winked at their ambassadors.