Crew Notes Archive

Character Journals

Personal logs, delivery notes, survival warnings, music diaries, cleaning reports and official Eric Strudelhofen regulations from across the Space 2047 universe.

Music Diary

Gerald's Music Diary

A guitar solo can solve many problems. Not legal problems, but many problems.

Guitar Signal

My guitar picked up a distress call from a sandwich.

Radio Note

Played one chord so powerful the Communications Hub asked for a lie down.

Creative Breakthrough

Invented a new genre called panic funk. Karen says it already existed whenever I enter a room.

Galactic Advice Column

Susan: Best Kisser in the Universe

A kiss can stop a war, start a war, or make Brian walk into a door.

Emergency Note

Brian attempted charm. Medical bay recommends rest and fewer eyebrows.

Advice Transmission

Never kiss an alien until you know where its mouth officially begins.

Cosmic Etiquette

If someone calls themselves irresistible, check for hidden tentacles and unpaid parking fines.

Delivery Log

Brian's Delivery Notes

If the parcel is ticking, humming or politely asking for legal representation, do not sign for it.

Emergency Route Change

Took a shortcut through a wormhole and arrived before I had left. I still billed overtime.

Delivery 2047-A

Delivered three crates of Space Cheese to Nouala. Eric immediately declared cheese a taxable emotion.

Moustache Incident

My moustache was mistaken for a diplomatic flag by a traffic warden moon. Negotiations remain itchy.

Alien Incident File

Flesh Eating Aliens from MAAM

If a MAAM alien says dinner is served, clarify whether you are dinner.

First Contact

The MAAM delegation greeted the crew warmly, then tried to season Cedric.

Safety Notice

Do not accept hugs from anything with more than two elbows and a bib.

Diplomatic Update

Karen has negotiated a treaty based on snacks, distance and shouting.

Official Regulation

Eric Strudelhofen's Regulations

A regulation a day keeps democracy confused.

Public Notice

Laughing without a permit is allowed only on alternate Wednesdays.

Regulation 7421

All spoons must be admired for at least three seconds before use.

Palace Memo

Anyone taller than Eric must crouch during official photographs.

Survival Report

Karen's Survival Log

The trick to surviving space is simple: never trust anything smiling with too many teeth.

Risk Assessment

Cedric opened a crate labelled Definitely Not Dangerous. It was dangerous.

Nouala Warning

Eric Strudelhofen has made breathing paperwork-adjacent. Avoid official buildings.

Personal Note

If the galaxy ends, I would like it recorded that I warned everyone first.

Royal Broadcast

Salomina's Royal Broadcasts

The galaxy would be easier to manage if everyone listened to me immediately and without snacks.

Diplomatic Note

Eric Strudelhofen attempted to bow to himself in a mirror. Talks remain difficult.

Crew Observation

Brian means well, which is often how trouble begins.

Broadcast One

Citizens of space, please stop naming moons after lunch items.

Maintenance Report

Gertrude's Cleaning Reports

Dust is not inevitable. Dust is a declaration of war.

Maintenance Note

Brian described the floor as clean enough. Brian has been reported.

Dust Alert

Dust level reached 0.04%. Emergency mopping protocols activated.

Cargo Bay Cleaning

Space Cheese residue resisted standard mop. Upgraded to heroic mop.

Cargo Manifest

Cedric's Cargo Reports

A good cargo officer knows what is in every crate. I have chosen a more mysterious path.

Inventory Note

Found one moon, two spoons and a small legal department behind the emergency biscuits.

Crate Incident

A box marked Fragile bit the forklift. Forklift expected to recover emotionally.

Missing Parcel

Parcel 9B walked away. It left a forwarding address and a rude drawing.