Crew Notes Archive

Character Journals

Personal logs, delivery notes, survival warnings, music diaries, cleaning reports and official Eric Strudelhofen regulations from across the Space 2047 universe.

Survival Report

Karen's Survival Log

I have survived three alien invasions and one of Gerald’s rehearsals. I fear nothing except paperwork.

Crew Safety

Gerald tried to tune his guitar using the engine. The engine now plays jazz.

Risk Assessment

Cedric opened a crate labelled Definitely Not Dangerous. It was dangerous.

Personal Note

If the galaxy ends, I would like it recorded that I warned everyone first.

Maintenance Report

Gertrude's Cleaning Reports

I do not chase dirt. Dirt flees me.

Maintenance Note

Brian described the floor as clean enough. Brian has been reported.

Tea Cup Emergency

Sixteen teacups entered low orbit. Recovery net deployed.

Underpants Event

Robot underpants discovered in vent shaft. Sanitisation ongoing.

Royal Broadcast

Salomina's Royal Broadcasts

Royal patience is infinite. Mine, sadly, is not.

Royal Advisory

Never accept a crown from a planet that also offers you a receipt.

Cosmic Statement

I have reviewed Gerald’s latest song and declared it almost legal.

Crew Observation

Brian means well, which is often how trouble begins.

Cargo Manifest

Cedric's Cargo Reports

A good cargo officer knows what is in every crate. I have chosen a more mysterious path.

Space Cheese Audit

The cheese has started humming. Gertrude says this is unhygienic.

Manifest Error

One crate of socks became three crates of suspiciously organised underpants.

Inventory Note

Found one moon, two spoons and a small legal department behind the emergency biscuits.

Delivery Log

Brian's Delivery Notes

If the parcel is ticking, humming or politely asking for legal representation, do not sign for it.

Black Hole Chip Shop

Collected vinegar near the event horizon. Lost two chips, one receipt and most of Tuesday.

Emergency Route Change

Took a shortcut through a wormhole and arrived before I had left. I still billed overtime.

Moustache Incident

My moustache was mistaken for a diplomatic flag by a traffic warden moon. Negotiations remain itchy.

Galactic Advice Column

Susan: Best Kisser in the Universe

A kiss can stop a war, start a war, or make Brian walk into a door.

Emergency Note

Brian attempted charm. Medical bay recommends rest and fewer eyebrows.

Advice Transmission

Never kiss an alien until you know where its mouth officially begins.

Lounge Log

Susan declared the Communications Hub insufficiently romantic and replaced one alarm with smooth jazz.

Music Diary

Gerald's Music Diary

Every galaxy has a key. Unfortunately, mine is slightly out of tune.

Lost Guitar

Misplaced guitar again. Suspect gravity, Brian, or a very ambitious cupboard.

Guitar Signal

My guitar picked up a distress call from a sandwich.

Creative Breakthrough

Invented a new genre called panic funk. Karen says it already existed whenever I enter a room.

Alien Incident File

Flesh Eating Aliens from MAAM

MAAM hospitality includes tea, biscuits and a legally worrying number of teeth.

Brian Report

Brian survived MAAM territory by pretending his moustache was an endangered species.

First Contact

The MAAM delegation greeted the crew warmly, then tried to season Cedric.

Canteen Report

Space Cheese distracts MAAM aliens for exactly nine seconds. Use those seconds wisely.

Official Regulation

Eric Strudelhofen's Regulations

A regulation a day keeps democracy confused.

Regulation 7421

All spoons must be admired for at least three seconds before use.

Palace Memo

Anyone taller than Eric must crouch during official photographs.

Public Notice

Laughing without a permit is allowed only on alternate Wednesdays.