Crew Notes Archive

Character Journals

Personal logs, delivery notes, survival warnings, music diaries, cleaning reports and official Eric Strudelhofen regulations from across the Space 2047 universe.

Maintenance Report

Gertrude's Cleaning Reports

I do not chase dirt. Dirt flees me.

Tea Cup Emergency

Sixteen teacups entered low orbit. Recovery net deployed.

Underpants Event

Robot underpants discovered in vent shaft. Sanitisation ongoing.

Maintenance Note

Brian described the floor as clean enough. Brian has been reported.

Music Diary

Gerald's Music Diary

Music is the language of the universe, except on Tuesday when it is mostly feedback.

Guitar Signal

My guitar picked up a distress call from a sandwich.

Lost Guitar

Misplaced guitar again. Suspect gravity, Brian, or a very ambitious cupboard.

Studio Session

Recorded a song with the engine room. The chorus exploded beautifully.

Alien Incident File

Flesh Eating Aliens from MAAM

If a MAAM alien says dinner is served, clarify whether you are dinner.

Brian Report

Brian survived MAAM territory by pretending his moustache was an endangered species.

Safety Notice

Do not accept hugs from anything with more than two elbows and a bib.

Canteen Report

Space Cheese distracts MAAM aliens for exactly nine seconds. Use those seconds wisely.

Cargo Manifest

Cedric's Cargo Reports

A good cargo officer knows what is in every crate. I have chosen a more mysterious path.

Manifest Error

One crate of socks became three crates of suspiciously organised underpants.

Crate Incident

A box marked Fragile bit the forklift. Forklift expected to recover emotionally.

Missing Parcel

Parcel 9B walked away. It left a forwarding address and a rude drawing.

Official Regulation

Eric Strudelhofen's Regulations

Nouala is free, provided everyone does exactly what I say before I say it.

Palace Memo

Anyone taller than Eric must crouch during official photographs.

Regulation 7421

All spoons must be admired for at least three seconds before use.

Emergency Strudel Decree

Any suspicious pastry is property of the state until I have finished eating it.

Delivery Log

Brian's Delivery Notes

If the parcel is ticking, humming or politely asking for legal representation, do not sign for it.

Moustache Incident

My moustache was mistaken for a diplomatic flag by a traffic warden moon. Negotiations remain itchy.

Suspicious Parcel

Parcel asked to speak to my manager. I promoted Cedric temporarily and hid behind the cargo bay.

Black Hole Chip Shop

Collected vinegar near the event horizon. Lost two chips, one receipt and most of Tuesday.

Survival Report

Karen's Survival Log

The trick to surviving space is simple: never trust anything smiling with too many teeth.

Nouala Warning

Eric Strudelhofen has made breathing paperwork-adjacent. Avoid official buildings.

Crew Safety

Gerald tried to tune his guitar using the engine. The engine now plays jazz.

Emergency Drill

Crew evacuated in six seconds. Brian returned for his moustache comb and ruined the average.

Galactic Advice Column

Susan: Best Kisser in the Universe

The universe is vast, but good lipstick travels further.

Reputation Report

Three planets have requested diplomatic training after Susan winked at their ambassadors.

Cosmic Etiquette

If someone calls themselves irresistible, check for hidden tentacles and unpaid parking fines.

Advice Transmission

Never kiss an alien until you know where its mouth officially begins.

Royal Broadcast

Salomina's Royal Broadcasts

Royal patience is infinite. Mine, sadly, is not.

Crew Observation

Brian means well, which is often how trouble begins.

Royal Advisory

Never accept a crown from a planet that also offers you a receipt.

Cosmic Statement

I have reviewed Gerald’s latest song and declared it almost legal.