Crew Notes Archive

Character Journals

Personal logs, delivery notes, survival warnings, music diaries, cleaning reports and official Eric Strudelhofen regulations from across the Space 2047 universe.

Royal Broadcast

Salomina's Royal Broadcasts

Royal patience is infinite. Mine, sadly, is not.

Royal Advisory

Never accept a crown from a planet that also offers you a receipt.

Crew Observation

Brian means well, which is often how trouble begins.

Diplomatic Note

Eric Strudelhofen attempted to bow to himself in a mirror. Talks remain difficult.

Cargo Manifest

Cedric's Cargo Reports

The cargo bay is not haunted. It is administratively unsettled.

Inventory Note

Found one moon, two spoons and a small legal department behind the emergency biscuits.

Crate Incident

A box marked Fragile bit the forklift. Forklift expected to recover emotionally.

Space Cheese Audit

The cheese has started humming. Gertrude says this is unhygienic.

Galactic Advice Column

Susan: Best Kisser in the Universe

Romance in space requires confidence, oxygen and a reliable escape pod.

Reputation Report

Three planets have requested diplomatic training after Susan winked at their ambassadors.

Emergency Note

Brian attempted charm. Medical bay recommends rest and fewer eyebrows.

Lounge Log

Susan declared the Communications Hub insufficiently romantic and replaced one alarm with smooth jazz.

Maintenance Report

Gertrude's Cleaning Reports

Dust is not inevitable. Dust is a declaration of war.

Tea Cup Emergency

Sixteen teacups entered low orbit. Recovery net deployed.

Underpants Event

Robot underpants discovered in vent shaft. Sanitisation ongoing.

Maintenance Note

Brian described the floor as clean enough. Brian has been reported.

Survival Report

Karen's Survival Log

The trick to surviving space is simple: never trust anything smiling with too many teeth.

Nouala Warning

Eric Strudelhofen has made breathing paperwork-adjacent. Avoid official buildings.

Emergency Drill

Crew evacuated in six seconds. Brian returned for his moustache comb and ruined the average.

Risk Assessment

Cedric opened a crate labelled Definitely Not Dangerous. It was dangerous.

Alien Incident File

Flesh Eating Aliens from MAAM

They are friendly, affectionate and catastrophically bitey.

Canteen Report

Space Cheese distracts MAAM aliens for exactly nine seconds. Use those seconds wisely.

Diplomatic Update

Karen has negotiated a treaty based on snacks, distance and shouting.

First Contact

The MAAM delegation greeted the crew warmly, then tried to season Cedric.

Official Regulation

Eric Strudelhofen's Regulations

A regulation a day keeps democracy confused.

Emergency Strudel Decree

Any suspicious pastry is property of the state until I have finished eating it.

Public Notice

Laughing without a permit is allowed only on alternate Wednesdays.

Nouala Directive

Citizens must salute small sandwiches because greatness often arrives in compact form.

Music Diary

Gerald's Music Diary

Music is the language of the universe, except on Tuesday when it is mostly feedback.

Lost Guitar

Misplaced guitar again. Suspect gravity, Brian, or a very ambitious cupboard.

Creative Breakthrough

Invented a new genre called panic funk. Karen says it already existed whenever I enter a room.

Radio Note

Played one chord so powerful the Communications Hub asked for a lie down.

Delivery Log

Brian's Delivery Notes

Never trust a package that looks smug.

Delivery 2047-A

Delivered three crates of Space Cheese to Nouala. Eric immediately declared cheese a taxable emotion.

Black Hole Chip Shop

Collected vinegar near the event horizon. Lost two chips, one receipt and most of Tuesday.

Emergency Route Change

Took a shortcut through a wormhole and arrived before I had left. I still billed overtime.