Crew Notes Archive

Character Journals

Personal logs, delivery notes, survival warnings, music diaries, cleaning reports and official Eric Strudelhofen regulations from across the Space 2047 universe.

Maintenance Report

Gertrude's Cleaning Reports

Cleanliness is next to survivability.

Underpants Event

Robot underpants discovered in vent shaft. Sanitisation ongoing.

Dust Alert

Dust level reached 0.04%. Emergency mopping protocols activated.

Cargo Bay Cleaning

Space Cheese residue resisted standard mop. Upgraded to heroic mop.

Official Regulation

Eric Strudelhofen's Regulations

Nouala is free, provided everyone does exactly what I say before I say it.

Palace Memo

Anyone taller than Eric must crouch during official photographs.

Regulation 7421

All spoons must be admired for at least three seconds before use.

Emergency Strudel Decree

Any suspicious pastry is property of the state until I have finished eating it.

Galactic Advice Column

Susan: Best Kisser in the Universe

Romance in space requires confidence, oxygen and a reliable escape pod.

Cosmic Etiquette

If someone calls themselves irresistible, check for hidden tentacles and unpaid parking fines.

Lounge Log

Susan declared the Communications Hub insufficiently romantic and replaced one alarm with smooth jazz.

Emergency Note

Brian attempted charm. Medical bay recommends rest and fewer eyebrows.

Music Diary

Gerald's Music Diary

A guitar solo can solve many problems. Not legal problems, but many problems.

Guitar Signal

My guitar picked up a distress call from a sandwich.

Creative Breakthrough

Invented a new genre called panic funk. Karen says it already existed whenever I enter a room.

Lost Guitar

Misplaced guitar again. Suspect gravity, Brian, or a very ambitious cupboard.

Royal Broadcast

Salomina's Royal Broadcasts

A queen of the cosmos must remain calm, radiant and extremely suspicious.

Crew Observation

Brian means well, which is often how trouble begins.

Diplomatic Note

Eric Strudelhofen attempted to bow to himself in a mirror. Talks remain difficult.

Broadcast One

Citizens of space, please stop naming moons after lunch items.

Alien Incident File

Flesh Eating Aliens from MAAM

They are friendly, affectionate and catastrophically bitey.

Diplomatic Update

Karen has negotiated a treaty based on snacks, distance and shouting.

First Contact

The MAAM delegation greeted the crew warmly, then tried to season Cedric.

Safety Notice

Do not accept hugs from anything with more than two elbows and a bib.

Survival Report

Karen's Survival Log

I have survived three alien invasions and one of Gerald’s rehearsals. I fear nothing except paperwork.

Nouala Warning

Eric Strudelhofen has made breathing paperwork-adjacent. Avoid official buildings.

Emergency Drill

Crew evacuated in six seconds. Brian returned for his moustache comb and ruined the average.

Crew Safety

Gerald tried to tune his guitar using the engine. The engine now plays jazz.

Cargo Manifest

Cedric's Cargo Reports

The cargo bay is not haunted. It is administratively unsettled.

Missing Parcel

Parcel 9B walked away. It left a forwarding address and a rude drawing.

Inventory Note

Found one moon, two spoons and a small legal department behind the emergency biscuits.

Space Cheese Audit

The cheese has started humming. Gertrude says this is unhygienic.

Delivery Log

Brian's Delivery Notes

Never trust a package that looks smug.

Suspicious Parcel

Parcel asked to speak to my manager. I promoted Cedric temporarily and hid behind the cargo bay.

Moustache Incident

My moustache was mistaken for a diplomatic flag by a traffic warden moon. Negotiations remain itchy.

Emergency Route Change

Took a shortcut through a wormhole and arrived before I had left. I still billed overtime.