BRIAN'S MOUSTACHE EXCEEDS SAFETY REGULATIONS ✦ GERTRUDE HAS CLEANED THE FLOOR AGAIN ✦ ERIC STRUDELHOFEN ISSUES FORM 2047-B ✦ NEXT STOP: PROBABLY NOUALA
SPACE 2047 DATABASE
Space 2047 Universe
In space, nobody can hear you complete Form 2047-B.
Featured transmission: MAAM deny everything, including the denial.
847Planets Catalogued
23Known MAAM Sightings
4,201,997Strudels Consumed
104%Gertrude Efficiency
Planets
Suspicious worlds, damp moons and bureaucracy-filled destinations.
The planets of Space 2047 are not selected for beauty, comfort or basic health and safety. They are selected because somebody somewhere has ordered something, lost something, banned something or accidentally declared themselves emperor. Some worlds are full of paperwork, some are full of suspicious animals, and several are probably only planets because nobody had the courage to correct them on the official map.
Crew
Meet Brian, Salomina, Karen, Cedric and the crew.
The crew are delivery drivers, reluctant heroes, confused employees and professional survivors of galactic nonsense. Brian brings moustache-based uncertainty, Salomina brings determination, Karen brings practical suspicion, and Cedric brings the energy of a man who has read the instructions but not necessarily understood them. Together they keep the ship moving, mostly forwards, and occasionally into trouble.
Ships
The Are We There Yet? and other vessels.
The starship Are We There Yet? is less a sleek symbol of the future and more a tired workplace with engines. It carries parcels, arguments, snacks, rumours, warnings and passengers who should probably have read the small print. Other ships cross the galaxy too, but few do so with quite the same mixture of optimism, panic and questionable maintenance.
Nouala
Home of Eric Strudelhofen and many regulations.
Nouala is a planet of regulations, speeches, warnings, worship centres, electric eels and civic confusion. Eric Strudelhofen treats it as the centre of civilisation, even when civilisation is trying to stand slightly further away. Visitors should expect forms, declarations, unusual ceremonies and the constant feeling that they have broken a rule nobody has invented yet.
MAAM
Mysterious flesh-eating aliens and incidents.
MAAM are mysterious, dangerous and extremely poor at calming public concern. Their official statements deny wrongdoing with such confidence that most people immediately assume wrongdoing has occurred. Any MAAM incident should be approached with caution, distance and a backup plan involving running away behind someone slower.
Gertrude
The robotic elephant cleaner.
Gertrude is the robotic elephant cleaner: practical, powerful and far more reliable than most of the people around her. She cleans floors, restores order and moves through chaos with the calm certainty of a machine that has seen too many spills to be impressed by human drama. If Gertrude has cleaned an area, it is probably the safest place on the ship.
Locations
Chip shops, pubs and strange destinations.
The galaxy is full of locations that should not exist but somehow have opening hours. There are black hole chip shops, pubs with suspicious names, traffic offices, worship centres, delivery depots and planets where the local tourist board has clearly given up. Each place offers danger, comedy and the possibility of being charged extra for breathing.
History
The events that shaped the galaxy.
Space 2047 history is a record of accidents later described as policy. Great speeches, terrible decisions, missing parcels, odd elections, escaped animals and badly labelled technology have all shaped the galaxy. Nobody agrees on the official version, but everyone agrees there was probably a queue, a warning sign and a man called Derek nearby.
Technology
Advanced technology with very limited common sense.
Technology in Space 2047 is advanced enough to cross galaxies and foolish enough to require three buttons marked almost the same thing. Robots, engines, scanners, organs, cleaning systems and vending machines all perform miracles, then immediately create a new problem. The future has arrived, but it has not read the manual.